


to your sharp and glorious thorn

by stormss



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, References to Depression, post-4x06, quentin finally talks to julia about el!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-07 08:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17956781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormss/pseuds/stormss
Summary: Quentin can't help the crack in his voice as he finally levels with her. His eyes are still stinging and he feels the far-off comfort provided from Jules carding her fingers through his hair, and it slips out all at once: "I'm fucking terrified."





	to your sharp and glorious thorn

**Author's Note:**

> (-: 
> 
> so quentin & the monster's interactions this past episode, the very obvious concern julia has for q and the very clear beginnings of q's depression showing up inspired all of this. i just need there to be some sort of heart-to-heart with these two and so this fic just kinda...happened. 
> 
> the title is from hozier's "shrike."

The moment he can breathe again, Quentin feels the distorted colours of the world around him begin to blur together. 

A sense of rage he's never really felt before has been brewing deep in his bones since he first regained his memories; it has only grown into a swirling fire since Eliot broke through to him, if only for those few seconds. _Fifty years._ _Who gets proof of concept like that?_ It makes dealing with this—this  _thing_ wearing Eliot's body nearly impossible, especially because he knows that he's alive in there and he has no idea where to start when it comes to saving him. 

And he's so tired. 

The Monster's fucked off somewhere, disappearing in the blink of an eye, lamenting about churros again. And Quentin should be more worried about him leaving, with Eliot's body so close to shutting down, but he notices the shattered glass on the ground from a bottle that fell victim to the Monster's desperate search for the pills, and so he drops to his knees to pick it up with shaking hands. He has to — he has to  _fix it_ , clean up, keep busy. 

He knows Julia's behind him, watching, teeth digging into her bottom lip. He hates that she always has to be present for his moments of pure weakness, but he can't bring himself to care. 

"Leave me alone, Jules." Quentin whispers, mostly to the floor, and he pricks his finger on a shard of pale-blue glass and swears under his breath. " _Fuck._ " 

"Q —" Julia starts, and he drops the glass and as it clatters against the tile, he drags his hands down his face, slumping back against the wall. She kneels in front of him, gently placing her hands on his knees. "Hey, you know you can talk to me." 

Quentin clenches his jaw, and she wipes under his eyes with her thumb, catching the tears he didn't even realize were falling. 

"Let's get you some water." Julia suggests, and she helps him to his feet, guiding him to the kitchen where she has him sit at the island while she fills a glass. It's ice cold and comforting, and as he downs half of it in one gulp, he tries to focus on what's really happening in front of him; he settles on Julia and the worry clouding her eyes, the downward turn of the corner of her mouth. She's waiting for him to speak, and it aches in his chest, because she's always been there for him. She's talked him down from his lowest-lows; she's been his shoulder to cry on since they were fourteen years old, and he feels like he's probably coming close to that again. 

Which feels like shit.

"I'm going to lay down." Quentin mutters, abandoning the stool for the couch. Julia is quick to follow — she sits and looks at him expectantly; with a small, half-pleased sigh, he drops down onto the couch, resting his head in her lap. He suddenly misses his long hair for this alone, but she still manages to fluff it up and run her fingers through the shorter strands, a soothing rhythm building up quickly. He succumbs to the comfort and feels the worry seep away, a little bit, but he still feels like he's going to lose it and start sobbing. It's really just a matter of when at this point.

"Things are going to work out, Q." Julia's words are soft, and a part of him wants to run away. He shouldn't be allowed to have these moments of quiet serenity when Eliot is stuck in his own mind. There are ancient tomes to work through and translate; there are hundreds of articles to sift through, looking for anything that could apply to their situation. But Julia is this force that just centres him in reality, and he allows himself to close his eyes. "No matter what happens, we'll get Eliot back." 

"I can't lose him, Jules." He says, matter-of-fact. She looks down at him, but his gaze is pointedly focused on the window on the other side of the room, watching the moonlight cast shadows on the floor. 

Julia mulls it over, before whispering: "I know you're scared —" 

"I'm not scared," he says, cutting her off. Quentin can't help the crack in his voice as he finally levels with her, letting everything bubble out of him. His eyes are still stinging and he feels the far-off comfort provided from Jules carding her fingers through his hair, and it slips out all at once: "I'm fucking terrified."

"You can't let that defeat you, Q." Julia's voice is gentle, somehow mirroring the comfort she provides him with her touch.  

He takes another breath. Quentin's never really officially...come out, to anyone. He's pretty sure she knows he likes men and women, and he's positive she won't care. But it still feels momentous as he admits his scariest truth: "I love him." 

"Oh, Q." Julia whispers, and Quentin pulls himself up into a sitting position, crossing his legs, trying to fold in on himself. She touches his arm. "Hey, look at me." 

Sort of unwillingly, he meets his best friend's gaze. She pulls him in, arms curling around his shoulders, nose in the crook of his neck. 

"I promise you that I'll do whatever it takes to get him back. We all will." Her words are muttered into his skin, and he feels more tears begin to trail down the curve of his nose. "You have to take care of yourself, though. When he comes back he's going to need you, Q." 

He knows that she's right, but he still moves to deepen the hug. 

"Thank you." Quentin whispers, but it's not enough to express all the gratitude he has for his best friend. He pulls back and rubs at his eyes, and she smiles a little at him. 

"You know I'll always be here for you." She nudges his shoulder with her own, and she gets that glint in her eye, and Quentin knows what's coming and he already feels a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "So. Eliot." 

"Yeah, Eliot." He says, looking down at the ground, his heart racing. He doesn't — he hates not knowing if El feels the same way, or if he just knew that those damned words would clue him in right away, but he knows that his feelings have only grown stronger. He can't help but to smile at the thought of Eliot; determination sets in, because he's ready to do anything he has to do to save him. 

"I'm happy for you, Q." Julia hugs him close again, one arm around him. "We're going to get through this. We're going to get this fucker." 

Quentin nods, and Julia squeezes him once more before getting to her feet, striding across the room to prop open a window and smoke before they turn back to their work. He tries to take a deep breath, dragging his fingers through his hair and then down his face before getting to his feet himself. He can't give up on Eliot, and with that in mind he sits back down at the table, pulling the laptop closer to go back to their research. 

Julia joins him again, settling in easily at his side, reaching over to squeeze his hand before grabbing a tome in Ancient Greek and a notepad, trying to see if they could figure out who this Monster was so they could kill him after they find all the stones. Quentin inhales deeply once more, before diving back in. 

He has to be brave, even with everything in working against him.

He has to be brave, for Eliot. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! comments & kudos make my day :'))
> 
> come say hi on [ tumblr! ](http://lizzogay.tumblr.com/)


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